A lack of self-awareness can be a silent relationship killer. When we don’t understand how our actions impact those around us, we risk hurting the people we love, even if we don’t intend to do so.
Self-awareness can be defined as our ability to perceive ourselves—our actions, thoughts, and emotions—in an objective way.
Healthy and meaningful relationships are necessary for our long-term happiness and fulfilment in life. Therefore, it’s essential to understand how we show up in them—and, even more importantly, what we can do to improve them.
Why is self-awareness so important?
The main purpose of self-awareness is to understand the truth about ourselves. Self-awareness shows us the reality of our behaviour and allows us to understand what we need to improve, as well as what we’re already good at.
The challenge of self-awareness is that facing the truth about oneself is oftentimes not a pleasant experience, especially if we have been ignoring it for a while. On the other hand, staying in the dark about ourselves may feel easier, but it’s superficial.
Lack of self-awareness can lead to negative actions and a failure to take accountability for our mistakes. By practicing self-awareness, we get to see what our flaws are, and we get the power to change them before they create any more problems.
Imagine a situation in the workplace where your supervisor gives you honest feedback on your performance. Self-awareness works similarly, except you are your own supervisor, reflecting honestly on your behaviour.
Self-awareness gives us power and control over ourselves.
In addition to improving relationships with others, self-awareness gives us the ability to truly know ourselves. It helps us understand ourselves, opening the door to genuine self-love and confidence based on our true selves.
Besides relationships, practicing self-awareness is key for personal growth. To know what we have to improve, we must first know the current situation. Having a higher self-awareness can positively impact our career success, health, and overall life satisfaction.
Self-awareness VS Ego
Self-awareness can be a powerful antidote to the ego. While our ego shields us from uncomfortable truths, self-awareness exposes our truth. It forces us to face the reality of our behaviours, even when it’s painful.
The realization that we are not such a great person we thought we were can be uncomfortable, but it is necessary to face it in order to actually grow into a better person.
It is a nature of ego to cover up our flaws and our wrongdoings under a pile of excuses. If we don’t practice self-awareness, we agree to live in the dark about who we really are and what type of impact we have on the people and the world around us.
This is a very egoistic desire, as we would prefer to not change, knowing we are potentially hurting people, than to consider changing. It is a testament to personal weakness, which is often a trait of our ego rather than our own trait. When we are ruled by our ego, especially for a long time, it can be hard to recognize where ego ends and where we begin.
When you think about it, the identity we build in our heads prior to practicing self-awareness could be completely made up. The stronger the rejection of self-awareness, the stronger is the desire of the ego to protect itself, revealing that it might harbour some important ‘secrets’ about ourselves.
Refusing to confront our ego means carrying that lack of awareness into our relationships.
Lack of self awareness in relationships
A lack of self-awareness can prevent the person from experiencing real, meaningful connections because these relationships require a certain standard of behaviour.
No healthy-minded person wants to be in a relationship with a person who is selfish, inconsiderate, manipulative—the list goes on. But if we don’t even understand our behaviour, we surely won’t know how to improve it.
Self-awareness, though primarily focusing on viewing ourselves, ironically makes us see others as well. It is not just about seeing the isolated truth about ourselves but also about seeing how we impact others and how we make them feel.
A common situation when we need to be self-aware is when someone tells us we have hurt them. Imagine a friend points out that you’ve been inconsiderate. Without self-awareness, you might react defensively, dismissing their feelings. With self-awareness, you’d recognize your recent behaviour and be open to addressing it.
This is why self-awareness is incredibly important for healthy relationships. It fosters a healthy and open communication style where we don’t approach the problem with a desire to defend ourselves but rather to understand and solve the problem. This approach can significantly reduce conflict in relationships, making them healthier and stronger.
By focusing on improving our behaviour, we can replace negative traits with love, respect, consideration, generosity, kindness, and compassion. In return, our lives will be a much more positive and meaningful experience.
Reflect on your recent interactions—have you dismissed someone’s feelings out of defensiveness? How could you approach the next conflict with more awareness?
Self-reflection practices
There are many ways to practice self-awareness, but at their core, they involve self-reflection—recognizing the facts and taking action.
- Journaling
Journaling is a powerful way to observe our thoughts that allows us to view them from a clear perspective. Journaling with prompts asks us to answer important questions about ourselves, from which we can reflect and understand ourselves better.
An example of a journal prompt that you can answer right now is: What are my biggest flaws, and how can I minimize them?
- Shadow work
Shadow work entails answering some deep questions, whether in the form of writing, recording, or simply talking with ourselves. Shadow work usually goes in-depth and pushes us to give answers that might be hidden in our subconscious mind. It is great for tackling deep-set beliefs, trauma, and experiencing healing.
- Meditation
Self-awareness is deeply connected to meditation and mindfulness because we realize we are not our thoughts and feelings. Meditation helps us detach from our ego and experience the person we truly are beyond our thoughts and feelings.
- Therapy
Therapy is a great way to reflect on our behaviours, as we get to say things out loud that we might not otherwise. In addition, we have a professional with an objective opinion, guiding us and helping us understand ourselves.
- Feedback
Beside a professional opinion, we can seek an objective opinion from a person close to us. People who love us can have skewed opinions, so it’s important to talk to the person who is realistic.
Conclusion
Embracing self-awareness allows us to create genuine, meaningful, and loving relationships—not only with others but also with ourselves.
As we acknowledge the truth of who we are, we take a powerful step toward positive transformation in every area of our lives.
Remember, the journey to self-awareness may not be easy, but it is the most liberating path you can take. By embracing your truth, you allow yourself to live authentically and build the relationships you truly deserve.
“The truth will set you free.” – John 8:32
