They say that the most important relationship you have is with yourself, and that couldn’t be more true. Self-love is an unparalleled life experience that brings us that one thing everyone is after: real and lasting happiness.
When we strengthen our inner world and accept ourselves for who we really are, we tap into a personal power that is truly life-changing.
Self-love has nothing to do with perfection; it’s actually opposing it. Above all, it’s about embracing your authentic self while continuing to show up for yourself and taking steps to improve your life.
What is self-love?
Self-love relates to the relationship you have with yourself.
Like any relationship, it’s shaped by how you talk to yourself (your thoughts) and the actions you take on your own behalf (your habits, routines, and goals). These words and actions can either benefit or harm you, and that’s where you can see the level of self-love and the type of relationship you have.
Having self-love means that you are consciously and actively supporting yourself. It means you treat yourself with kindness, strive to reject negative thoughts and actions (both from yourself and others), and remind yourself that you deserve love, respect, and peace exactly as you are.
When you hold self-love, you also recognize that the harsh, critical beliefs in your mind didn’t come from you or anyone who truly loves you. Self-love gives you the courage to stand against those lies and rewrite your story.
Why Do We Struggle With Self-Love?
A big culprit to our self-love is the culture we live in. The negative side of social media and a materialistic society is that we’re constantly exposed to unrealistic “standards.”
It often feels like society dictates what we should look like, how we should act, and even how our lives should unfold. This constant comparison diminishes our self-worth and convinces us to chase superficial ideals instead of embracing our authenticity.
In some cases, the culprit of our self-love can be those closest to us. The reality is that everyone is influenced by the world they live in since the moment they’re born, and if they’ve succumbed to its pressures, they may unintentionally drag others down with them.
Self-love practice is about unlearning these harmful beliefs and replacing them with positive, empowering truths.
Practices for building self-love
The following practices are a combination of things that will reprogram your negative beliefs, bring more positive energy into your life, and overall improve the relationship you have with yourself.
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Keep your promises
Imagine a friend constantly breaking their promises to you. You’d probably feel frustrated and disappointed and eventually lose trust in them, right?
The same thing happens in our subconscious mind when we fail to keep promises we make to ourselves. Whether it’s goals we make for the year ahead and then give up on them or simple daily habits we neglect, these little letdowns add up to a loss of self-respect. Once you lose self-respect, the only way to rebuild it is with a series of kept promises.
The harsh truth is: when there isn’t something in our mind or body that’s preventing us from keeping our promises, we simply didn’t care enough. As in any relationship, actions are a sign of love.
They say discipline is the highest form of self-love, and that means pushing yourself even when you don’t feel like it. Especially when it comes to your physical and mental health, honoring your commitments is crucial for maintaining self-love and happiness.
If you said you would work out a few times per week, reduce screen time and read that book you’ve been postponing, try your best to keep your promise.
Once you build this foundation of trust and respect with yourself, love will start pouring in.
2. Practice Mirror work
Mirror work is a self-love technique in which you look into a mirror and speak positive affirmations to yourself.
Louise Hay, author of the book “Mirror Work: 21 Days to Heal Your Life,” calls it “the most effective method for learning to love yourself.”
It might feel awkward or even silly at first, but this practice works. When you look into your own eyes and speak loving, affirming words, it creates a deep connection with yourself.
Moreover, affirmations are scientifically proven to reprogram your subconscious mind. Just as negative beliefs shape your self-perception, positive ones can transform those beliefs.
The key is to feel the energy of the affirmation go through your body and act as if you believe it.
Say each of these affirmations three times, ideally in front of a mirror.
- I am worthy of love and respect exactly as I am.
- I am proud of myself for taking steps to grow.
- I have the power to change my life for the better.
Spend just 10 minutes a day speaking positive affirmations to yourself, and notice the shift in your mindset.
3. Journaling
Journaling isn’t just writing about your day; it’s a tool for self-reflection and self-awareness, two key factors for self-improvement.
When you put your thoughts on paper, you step outside your own perspective and see things more clearly. This distance helps you process overwhelming emotions, break down problems, and gain a more balanced view of your experiences. The thing is, our subjective perception can skew the situation and make everything seem much worse than it really is.
Whether it’s through writing or recording voice notes, daily journaling can become a powerful outlet for your thoughts and feelings and a way to remember the details of your life.
If you’re not sure where to start, try using journaling prompts. (You can find a collection of prompts on my Pinterest!)
4. Forgive yourself
Many of us hold onto guilt, regret, or resentment toward ourselves without even realizing it. Forgiveness is a crucial step in releasing this negative energy and healing the relationship we have with ourselves.
Think about moments when you’ve been unkind to yourself. Whether through negative self-talk, bad habits, or unmet needs.
Here are some forgiveness statements worth considering:
- I forgive myself for the mistakes I made and accept them as part of my growth journey.
- I forgive myself for not meeting my own expectations, knowing I will try to do better.
- I forgive myself for turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms when I didn’t see another way.
Write down a few forgiveness statements of your own. Say them out loud and notice how they make you feel.
5. Self-care routine
Self-care is one of the most direct ways to show yourself love. Your physical state greatly impacts your mental well-being; therefore, it’s very important to practice caring for your body daily.
Self-care practice can include anything from a simple hygiene routine to pampering your body and skin and taking extra time to nurture yourself.
Engaging in self-care sends a powerful message to your mind: “I value myself and deserve care and attention.”
Why not take some time this week to plan a self-care night? You can draw a bubble bath or take an “everything shower.” Follow with a full skincare routine, include a mask, and finish the ritual with a nice cup of tea and a good book or some nice music.
If you want to get inspired with self-care ideas, check out my Pinterest Self-Care board!
6. Be grateful
If you spent years comparing your life to others, you probably rarely experience gratitude for the things you have. Gratitude is a mindset-shifting practice that counters the toxic habit of comparison and focuses your attention on the positive.
Practicing gratitude is like giving yourself permission to celebrate your journey, no matter where you are.
Take a moment to reflect on things you’re proud of, like qualities you love about yourself and challenges you’ve overcome. Gratitude reminds us of our inherent worth and helps us appreciate who we are. At first, it might feel hard to find things to be grateful for, but the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.
Start by identifying three things you’re grateful for right now. It could be your health, a friend, your home, or even the fact that you’re taking steps to improve your life.
Final Words
Self-love is a journey, and most of us still need to work on it to experience its full benefits. By incorporating these self-love practices into your routine, you’ll begin to unlock a deeper, more authentic connection with yourself.
Start by choosing to show yourself love today—try one of these practices and notice how they make you feel.
Consider dedicating one day a week as your “self-love day” to nurture the most important relationship in your life: the one you have with yourself.
